Thursday, December 30, 2010

What a day...

So I recently got home from work and I feel like utter shit right now. The reason being is at work I had to deal with this full timer always giving me shit for whatever I did. This fucking asshole would not shut the fuck up. I mean I ask another guy if they're team was done yet and in the background he just screams OMG FUCK YEA! I really can't stand him...
more later....

Monday, December 27, 2010

New Years Revolutions

So this is going to be a quick post.
It's in the title and that's what I will be discussing.
What are my goals.
1. Move into my own apartment - when I talk about that I mean me and 1 or 2 of my friends move into together and have a gaming haven
2. Get a girlfriend - not just some random girl. Someone I really love
3. Keep my job - at coke and make more money then before
4. Do more LP's - I like to do them but right now I don't have time to do them or i get problems
5. Do more vlogs - I like vlogging because it let's me talk shit out.
6. get a cut body - I feel with my job and if i do alittle extra I could have one
7. get some skin tone :P - every complaint I get is with my skin being to pale...
8. maybe start classing- jjc or something
9. get better at starcraft 2 :D - Diamond League!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Beauty Turning Ugly

So I just got home for driving to some far off land to get my cell phone back and on the right home I started thinking about How I met your mother and Anna. Weird I know but hear me out. I started think about the episode when Barney was crying over his first true love and after seeing her again just being happy she left the bitch.(and banging her but that's not what I'm getting at.) So I was just thinking about hmm lets look at two pictures of her before and after and my eyes were opened. She really looks like shit compared to how she used to look. I mean it could finally be the ruby specked glasses coming off just now or she really has changed for the worst.
I used to just love how she looked but now he just looks like she put her beautiful hair in a blender and am trying to still make it look good.
I'm guessing if I was still with her I would have still being all goo goo for her but now that I'm over it all I'm glad I figured it out.
Thx Barney!

Friday, December 24, 2010

what kind of gift is this?

so it's x-mas eve and I have work... -_- yea it sort of sucks but hey it's nice money :3. Also for some reason anna friended me on facebook again... don't know what I did but whatever. I tried to really separate myself from my old community(including anything that came from wcradio). When i mean separate i mean just don't interact, just because I felt like everyone didn't want me anymore. Reason being for this. I have been listening to O&H vs. the world for many years now, I started listening to them more at work and I hear they're someone named Kopie. Once I heard that and it was a girl... I was like NOPE! Never getting back into that community. (back story) Ex gf always would say copy like kopie so that's what I think when I hear it. I don't care if it's just someone else it scares me just being around that community.) So I went under a different ID for a while to see if ray or snapple were ever there.... NOPE. I was alone with no one to talk to... need to find a need community to interact with. Trying to get into the team liquid community but that thing is so fucking huge that it would be hard for me make a name for myself...
well that's pretty much for tonight... not going to bed because I got home at 3:30am and I have work at 2pm. So fucking it I'm just going to surf around!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Moving in with buddies "maybe"

So I was talking to my buddy joe and he said he wanted to try and get an apartment with me so we can lan and shit all the time. Right now I'm very 50/50 on the idea. They'res a ton of goods and bads and I'm thinking for right now the bads are out weighing the goods. Let's start out with the goods. Getting a place means fun most of the time and not dealing with parents. Also I would have a wing man when it comes to picking up women.(which I really need :P) Having a ton of amazing LAN partys and party's in general. Finally he is a really good friend and I know he wouldn't ever fuck me over.
Now, lets get on to the bads. He has no job. that fucker is going to have to get a job before we get this place or I will be doing all the shit and he will just lay on his lazy ass. Also I think we would need another roommate to pay for an apartment because I know I'm making decent money but 2 19-20 years olds aren't going to be able to afford rent and all the bills and food. So we would need to find 1 more person. If we could find a 3rd person then it would probably be chill but really till then it's in the air.
Just needed to write alittle bit to get stuff off my back.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Can stop thinking

Ok wtf....... After breaking off all communications with Anna I thought that I would be able to just forget about those 5 months. Sadly everywhere I turn I hear something that reminds me of that women! I watch some Starcraft 2 podcast and they talk about dreamhack(Swedish geek convention). I look at news they talk about Sweden and some shit. I can't get away from it! I mean WHY!!!!!! It annoys me to no end that I can't just leave it to the past! I guess till I find someone that can make me feel the same way she did I will be able to move on.

Also will be doing vlogs and LP's again. They wont have much editing but they will come again.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


So I've been working a shit ton and making that money so I couldn't post a ton... sorry.
I took a little bit of a break from the internet trying to find someone for me. Someone that would be sort of the one. I know I'm super fucking young but after being so much in love with my last gf I want to have those feelings again. Sadly I've been unsuccessful in my attempts to doing that. going to try and start doing the vlogs and Let's Plays again.
More updates later

Monday, November 15, 2010

no more posting here :"(

So yea, I'm not posting here anymore because I'm not getting adsense. If you want to see the video's at my youtube.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Sorry for no LP's :(

Sorry, been very buzzy lately...
getting ready to start work and what not...
also I've had to deal with the ex being a cunt about me using your real name in that happy birthday post. -_- (I will never get women)
Will try and get videos up this week end for you guys!
also people i need to ask wtf should I do with my hair?
Right now I'm thinking of just shaving it and if I don't do that I want to do something with it.
Here are 2 pictures of me.
1. with my short hair.
2. and with my hair right now

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Let's Play Minecraft Ep. 18

Also started downloading Shank!
Will start making video's as soon as possible!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Remembering the past

So yesterday was my ex's birthday, I haven't said a single thing to her sense I called her a slutty cunt. I took peoples advice and cut everything off. yesterday I tried to not remember her and just focus on other things. Then I hear what happened to someone I know and his now ex-girlfriend. He is very depressed and is trying to be happy but it's hard. I know what he is going through. The feeling of caring for someone so much and they're able to just get rid of you like you were some used toy they got bored of.
Today I was going to make the vlog and hide a message in it that said happy birthday to her... but everything had to fuck up. I don't even know if she still watched them. It wouldn't have mattered because at lease in my head it would feel like I did say it to her.
There is a very, very little part of me that knows I don't have a chance but still loves her. Most of the time I would like to just move on and find a better geeky/cute girl. sadly that small part of me is very naggy...
well hopefully I can cancel it out and get on with my life.
I guess better late then never.
Happy Birthday,
Anna Elving

No Vlog for a while

my shit keeps acting up so there wont be a vlog for a while. But the Let's Plays are ok and I will still be doing those.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Sunday Blog - Split Mind

So today I was too lazy to make a video and I felt like just making a blog post instead. I had a good day today, played with everyone at OMFG's game night. Had fun, but during the TF2 part of it the girl comes online. I talk to her for a little bit and she tells me she will try and play with me tomorrow. I say,"okay" and then she says she has to go to bed. So I go on with my day until my brother calls me to pick him up. I go and do that, and I put in a random CD to listen too. The first song is, "Worst Case Scenario" by Laakso. That's not a good thing... Everytime I listen to that song all I can think about is her and how I must have fucked up some how even though it wasn't my fault. I started to get really pissed off... I mean really fucking pissed off. (the next part is a little is a little weird/crazy. for warned) I just wanted to get hit by a fucking car and be able to sue the living shit out of them to get enough money to live by her. I know it sounds crazy but, I really can't just, "get over her" I just can't. When I like/love something enough I will not give up on it until I can convince myself it's a lost cause. With me right now I can't... Their's a part of me that say,"Yea I lost her O well and just go back to how I was before I met her." The other part of me is first, "Okay how can I get her back, what did I do wrong?, and if I didn't live so far away I knew we would be fucking perfect! FUCK!" I feel like a fucking leach... what I mean by that I have been talking to her almost every single day this summer. I wish I was joking... I was having the time of my life, even if we were fighting I still knew I loved her. Then right after that song was over of course the song, "Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green. Right when that came on my mind went to a completely different place. It went to the jealous part of me. When she really made it clear to me we were done she told me she still had feelings for another who was engaged now. let me give you some back story for this. The girl moves into a new apartment and gets an awesome new roommate. The roommate has a friends that become friends with the girl. One of the friends is Patrik. He has a girlfriend already, his girlfriend is a fucking dick she is always a dick to the girl, also she is cheating on this guy with someone else but still uses this guy, and she also thinks the girl is hitting on Pitrik. Patrik is a truck driver, at first I thought O fuck he has a job, he has a 1 up on me... but then I thought about it and was thinking o wait he is a truck driver he doesn't make jack shit for money.(my dad is a truck driver, doesn't make alot) So I was like I'm all good. Then she told me all the shit he has... It felt like I was so fucked! Then one day I went out with my friends to play. She said they where having a movie night earlier that day. right before I was going out to leave I see her come online on skype and she calls me. She said she had fun and she hoped I had fun with my friends and she was going to bed. I said thank, we said are I love you's and shit and both went offline. I forget if it was the next day or a few days later, the girl was acting very different. When I said love you she wouldn't say it back and would just say are little thing we say to each other.(that's another story for another time.) So it continued on until she couldn't help but tell me why she was acting weird. She told me Patrik made a move on her during her movie night. All that was going through my head was OMG I'm going to kill him! FUCK! She told me she was sorry. I was still angry at Patrik. I mean he has a fucking girl! Why the fuck is he going after mine! GET THE FUCK OUT! After that Patrik told the girl that he was sorry for making a move on her and that he didn't mean to do it. She was pissed because he was messing with her emotions.(I was confused, because if she was with me why would she feel anything. She should have been able to just walk it off and be good. haha, yea... no.) After that she told me and we were fine for about a month but she didn't really want to do anything that we did before that like problem. After that month happened everything went down the fucking drain! She started to never say I love you, we never talked anymore. We talked for an hour at most then she didn't want to talk, it was horrible! you know the rest of the story so I wont repeat that part, but yea... From starting at talking for 5-12 hours to 30 mins-1 hour. This is why I feel like a fucking leach! I had something so perfect for me and then I never get to have it... I swear girls are are worse then crack and World of Warcraft put together! I've never felt this passionate about something or someone. I know we need to just be friends but I hate that i lost my chance at my perfect girl. I know I'm going to be people saying," O you will find someone better, don't worry." Okay lets think about this, shall we. My perfect girl is this, Short, blue/green eyes, brown/black/dark red hair, good taste in music, likes to spent as much time on the computer as me, dark/4chan sense of humor, skinny/mid, likes to play video games(but not that halo/call of duty shit), and a cute face. That girl had all of that! Almost everyone I went to school with didn't have half of those things! I doubt that a girl at a club would have any half of those! Well I guess this has gone on for a little to long so I will end it here.
The Vlogs will be back tomorrow!
I also have a question for you!
What is your perfect girl/guy?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Back Story of My Bitching

So I feel pretty weird right now. Earlier today I was discussing my trip with "the girl". She wanted to make the trip shorter... So a little back story for everyone.
Guy meets girl on a community ventrilo
Girl is attracted to guy, hits on him constantly and talks to him all night every night
Guy and girl decides to be in an internet relationship
Girl yells at guy because he isn't taking it to seriously and isn't caring enough
Guy decides he will be and slowly falls in love with her
Everything is good for 4 months, a few failed attempts to meet
Girl plans to send guy to see girl, she has to move so can't pay anymore
Girl also says it will never work, 5 months into it
Guy decides "fuck it!" he will pay for it
Girl says she doesn't know if she wants him to come anymore
Guy gets paranoid and thinks to hard
Girl gets annoyed with his constant thinking
Girl wants him to come but only 7 days instead of 9, 2 days later changes her mind to 4 days
Guy gets sick of not getting a straight answer and asks her why
Girl says she doesn't like people always being with her
Guy tells girl he isn't just some guy
Guy asks her what they are she says she doesn't know...

So yea that pretty much the story...
that last event happened today, and for some reason now I'm starting to feel... a sense of I don't care anymore. It's hard to describe any better then that...


So I'm going to be posting a few oldies in the beginning and slowly add more content.


So I know i haven't really been staying up-to-date on this blog but I really haven't had anything to talk about my days have been pretty good. I think the last 20-40 mins of my day have been... Scary. So the Girl is still thinking about if I should go or not. When i heard her bring it up again I just went back into paranoid mode. Paranoid mode AKA Thinking to hard. I know it go both ways. I have already been thinking about both outcomes. Lets start out with me going(more positive) I have a great time in Sweden, experience a ton of stuff, meet people I've only been about to talk to over Skype/vent, and best of all get to be with her. If I don't go I will just feel kind of bummed out... I mean I know it's my fault for getting my hopes so high but can you blame me? I told my mom and dad and they both tell everyone so I always get asked about it and I tell them what they want to here. I don't tell them the part where it's still up in the air... which could be a problem if she says no. Because I know all I will get is hey why aren't you there and telling everyone the story will just kill me a little bit each time. I understand why she doesn't want me to go. I don't want to make her out to be the bad guy. If for some reason she doesn't want me to go and my dad already bought the ticket I do have a back up plan. I want to keep it under wraps so i will only bring it up if she says no.
(The next paragraph is going to be some corny shit)
The other thing I have been dealing with is to parts of me are fighting. My heart and brain to be specific, the reason they're fighting is because my heart is telling me that everything will be good in the end and I will get her in the end. While my brain is yelling at me telling me it will NEVER work out and you need to cut it off... I would never wont to cut off connections with her, if I couldn't have her i would want to still be here... friend. Yet again my heart tells me if you love her enough you should be willing to risk it all to acquire what I truly want, even if it ends up in losing her completely... I mean she says she still likes me and I believe her. All I can think about is the song A Day To Remember-If It Means A Lot To You. When we first started flirting we made this "Are Song". So one of the first things she told me was that the ending was very sad.
"You know you can't give me what I need
And even though you mean so much to me
I can wait through everything
Is this really happening?
I swear I'll never be happy again
And don't you dare say we can just be friends
I'm not some boy that you can sway
We knew it'd happen eventually"
So yea... not the best ending. It's kind of funny if you think about it... 
Well I just needed to speak my mind and I'm hoping that everything good happens at the end.