Sunday, October 3, 2010

Sunday Blog - Split Mind

So today I was too lazy to make a video and I felt like just making a blog post instead. I had a good day today, played with everyone at OMFG's game night. Had fun, but during the TF2 part of it the girl comes online. I talk to her for a little bit and she tells me she will try and play with me tomorrow. I say,"okay" and then she says she has to go to bed. So I go on with my day until my brother calls me to pick him up. I go and do that, and I put in a random CD to listen too. The first song is, "Worst Case Scenario" by Laakso. That's not a good thing... Everytime I listen to that song all I can think about is her and how I must have fucked up some how even though it wasn't my fault. I started to get really pissed off... I mean really fucking pissed off. (the next part is a little is a little weird/crazy. for warned) I just wanted to get hit by a fucking car and be able to sue the living shit out of them to get enough money to live by her. I know it sounds crazy but, I really can't just, "get over her" I just can't. When I like/love something enough I will not give up on it until I can convince myself it's a lost cause. With me right now I can't... Their's a part of me that say,"Yea I lost her O well and just go back to how I was before I met her." The other part of me is first, "Okay how can I get her back, what did I do wrong?, and if I didn't live so far away I knew we would be fucking perfect! FUCK!" I feel like a fucking leach... what I mean by that I have been talking to her almost every single day this summer. I wish I was joking... I was having the time of my life, even if we were fighting I still knew I loved her. Then right after that song was over of course the song, "Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green. Right when that came on my mind went to a completely different place. It went to the jealous part of me. When she really made it clear to me we were done she told me she still had feelings for another who was engaged now. let me give you some back story for this. The girl moves into a new apartment and gets an awesome new roommate. The roommate has a friends that become friends with the girl. One of the friends is Patrik. He has a girlfriend already, his girlfriend is a fucking dick she is always a dick to the girl, also she is cheating on this guy with someone else but still uses this guy, and she also thinks the girl is hitting on Pitrik. Patrik is a truck driver, at first I thought O fuck he has a job, he has a 1 up on me... but then I thought about it and was thinking o wait he is a truck driver he doesn't make jack shit for money.(my dad is a truck driver, doesn't make alot) So I was like I'm all good. Then she told me all the shit he has... It felt like I was so fucked! Then one day I went out with my friends to play. She said they where having a movie night earlier that day. right before I was going out to leave I see her come online on skype and she calls me. She said she had fun and she hoped I had fun with my friends and she was going to bed. I said thank, we said are I love you's and shit and both went offline. I forget if it was the next day or a few days later, the girl was acting very different. When I said love you she wouldn't say it back and would just say are little thing we say to each other.(that's another story for another time.) So it continued on until she couldn't help but tell me why she was acting weird. She told me Patrik made a move on her during her movie night. All that was going through my head was OMG I'm going to kill him! FUCK! She told me she was sorry. I was still angry at Patrik. I mean he has a fucking girl! Why the fuck is he going after mine! GET THE FUCK OUT! After that Patrik told the girl that he was sorry for making a move on her and that he didn't mean to do it. She was pissed because he was messing with her emotions.(I was confused, because if she was with me why would she feel anything. She should have been able to just walk it off and be good. haha, yea... no.) After that she told me and we were fine for about a month but she didn't really want to do anything that we did before that like problem. After that month happened everything went down the fucking drain! She started to never say I love you, we never talked anymore. We talked for an hour at most then she didn't want to talk, it was horrible! you know the rest of the story so I wont repeat that part, but yea... From starting at talking for 5-12 hours to 30 mins-1 hour. This is why I feel like a fucking leach! I had something so perfect for me and then I never get to have it... I swear girls are are worse then crack and World of Warcraft put together! I've never felt this passionate about something or someone. I know we need to just be friends but I hate that i lost my chance at my perfect girl. I know I'm going to be people saying," O you will find someone better, don't worry." Okay lets think about this, shall we. My perfect girl is this, Short, blue/green eyes, brown/black/dark red hair, good taste in music, likes to spent as much time on the computer as me, dark/4chan sense of humor, skinny/mid, likes to play video games(but not that halo/call of duty shit), and a cute face. That girl had all of that! Almost everyone I went to school with didn't have half of those things! I doubt that a girl at a club would have any half of those! Well I guess this has gone on for a little to long so I will end it here.
The Vlogs will be back tomorrow!
I also have a question for you!
What is your perfect girl/guy?


  1. I've been going through the a similar situation, long distance relationship with my "perfect" girl. After months of being happy talking constantly, she became less eager to talk, stopped saying I love you, turns out she'd been cheating on me for over a month with someone that actually lived near her.. it's been rough and I still get find ways to blame myself and get angry and jealous. It's kind of nice to know I'm not the only one I guess.

    Just stay strong. I know it's hard but try not to dwell, it will take time but it gets easier. I'm getting through this and so will you!

  2. very interesting read, I agree.

  3. Seriously. You write like a fucking retard. Grow up, stop bitching and shut the fuck up.

    Also listen to Shout Out Louds - Tonight I have to leave it, great song!

  4. Really guy?

    Do you not know what a paragraph is?

    Is this why you post videos instead of writing?