Thursday, September 30, 2010

Too long

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Back Story of My Bitching

So I feel pretty weird right now. Earlier today I was discussing my trip with "the girl". She wanted to make the trip shorter... So a little back story for everyone.
Guy meets girl on a community ventrilo
Girl is attracted to guy, hits on him constantly and talks to him all night every night
Guy and girl decides to be in an internet relationship
Girl yells at guy because he isn't taking it to seriously and isn't caring enough
Guy decides he will be and slowly falls in love with her
Everything is good for 4 months, a few failed attempts to meet
Girl plans to send guy to see girl, she has to move so can't pay anymore
Girl also says it will never work, 5 months into it
Guy decides "fuck it!" he will pay for it
Girl says she doesn't know if she wants him to come anymore
Guy gets paranoid and thinks to hard
Girl gets annoyed with his constant thinking
Girl wants him to come but only 7 days instead of 9, 2 days later changes her mind to 4 days
Guy gets sick of not getting a straight answer and asks her why
Girl says she doesn't like people always being with her
Guy tells girl he isn't just some guy
Guy asks her what they are she says she doesn't know...

So yea that pretty much the story...
that last event happened today, and for some reason now I'm starting to feel... a sense of I don't care anymore. It's hard to describe any better then that...


So I'm going to be posting a few oldies in the beginning and slowly add more content.


So I know i haven't really been staying up-to-date on this blog but I really haven't had anything to talk about my days have been pretty good. I think the last 20-40 mins of my day have been... Scary. So the Girl is still thinking about if I should go or not. When i heard her bring it up again I just went back into paranoid mode. Paranoid mode AKA Thinking to hard. I know it go both ways. I have already been thinking about both outcomes. Lets start out with me going(more positive) I have a great time in Sweden, experience a ton of stuff, meet people I've only been about to talk to over Skype/vent, and best of all get to be with her. If I don't go I will just feel kind of bummed out... I mean I know it's my fault for getting my hopes so high but can you blame me? I told my mom and dad and they both tell everyone so I always get asked about it and I tell them what they want to here. I don't tell them the part where it's still up in the air... which could be a problem if she says no. Because I know all I will get is hey why aren't you there and telling everyone the story will just kill me a little bit each time. I understand why she doesn't want me to go. I don't want to make her out to be the bad guy. If for some reason she doesn't want me to go and my dad already bought the ticket I do have a back up plan. I want to keep it under wraps so i will only bring it up if she says no.
(The next paragraph is going to be some corny shit)
The other thing I have been dealing with is to parts of me are fighting. My heart and brain to be specific, the reason they're fighting is because my heart is telling me that everything will be good in the end and I will get her in the end. While my brain is yelling at me telling me it will NEVER work out and you need to cut it off... I would never wont to cut off connections with her, if I couldn't have her i would want to still be here... friend. Yet again my heart tells me if you love her enough you should be willing to risk it all to acquire what I truly want, even if it ends up in losing her completely... I mean she says she still likes me and I believe her. All I can think about is the song A Day To Remember-If It Means A Lot To You. When we first started flirting we made this "Are Song". So one of the first things she told me was that the ending was very sad.
"You know you can't give me what I need
And even though you mean so much to me
I can wait through everything
Is this really happening?
I swear I'll never be happy again
And don't you dare say we can just be friends
I'm not some boy that you can sway
We knew it'd happen eventually"
So yea... not the best ending. It's kind of funny if you think about it... 
Well I just needed to speak my mind and I'm hoping that everything good happens at the end.